Tip of the Week #12: How about spending a little less time looking in the rear view mirror?

Dr. Gary,
I am reminded of the old saying-"Those who forget the past are destine to repeat it."

I try not to dwell on the bad memories of the past but I keep it in mind when making decisions.
Reta

Hey Reta!

It's been awhile. I remember that saying, and it's a good one. The past helps us to make decisions in the present, absolutely. It's when we try to relive, and then rewirte, the past, that we get into trouble.

Thanks!

Gary

And, I see your point of not dwelling on the what-if's in our lives. It can be too easy to get stuck in the rut of the past and we are left trapped in limbo. If I expect to get better or to a better place, then you must move forward.
Reta

Exactly. Learn from the past, enjoy the memories, focus on the present, prepare for the future. Nice to see you!

Hi- I believe that if your learning something from your past (that will make
today or tomorrow better) then think about it a bit. I don't dwell on it
bc you can't change it & when you have learned all you can from it-
then your energies should be on something more constructive- today.
There are always good things in today if we truly want to find them &
are not constantly looking at the "closed doors." Each day i challenge
myself to find all the good that I can everywhere around me. Since I
have been doing this- guess what!? I DO see more good things. :)
If you are doing your best & living your best today, than that is enough! :)
Hugs, marieanne

Your right, Marieanne…It seems to me that life is about making mistakes…& learning not to make the same ones again! And i've found more good and inspiration on this site than I did on my own in 3 years…I made that mistake and now i'm here, never to make that mistake again…

Hi Marieanne,

I totally agree with you hear. We have many rich memories in our past, as well as hard lessons, and we can benefit from all of them in some way. It is when we get stuck there, and at times we all do it, that we risk getting stuck, and making ourselves unhappy. I like your attitude. Every day is a challenge to find something positive. That takes look around us, and not backwards, as you said so well!

Thank you!

Gary

Thanks Doc. :) When we get stuck in the past, it limits the good
that we are able to see in the now- today. Hugs, marieanne

This is a great post. I am giving this to my sister as she is stuck in the past and has been there for years. She is bi-polar and once she latches on to an old memory or something that happened years ago, she will re-hash it over and over until she gets manic. Usually the facts are rearrainged in her mind, but man as a family we can tell when lightening is about to strike. I know that it is hard for her to look forward, but it's even harder for the rest of us to keep going back to the past with her. Nothing serious has ever happened to her, she just brings up old conversations and old family memories that she remolds to fit her rants. I myself can barely remember yesterday with fibro fog, so I am hoping this will help her.

Hi!

I am glad that this was helpful to you. Yes, getting caught up in the past can be a trip to nowhere. It's like rubbing salt deeper and deeper into an old wound.

Here is a discussion I posed on Depression Connect that you might find helpful:

http://www.depressionconnect.com/discussions/...

It is great to hear form you, as always. Thanks a lot.

Gary

After the experiences i've had, both good & bad, I'll never forget but I've come to the conclusion that," These are the Good ole' Days" because as bad as we somtimes think things are, they could be quite a bit worse, so I've decided to make these days the best that I possibly can…

Hi,

Thanks for this. That is a good attitude and, for better or worse, realistic. Tomorrow may be better, but it may not be. But what's important, I think, is to focus on what's possible, and what's good, today.

I hope today was a good day for you. Stay in touch!

Gary

Thank you, Dr. Gary, for the reply and asking…in fact, although I only slept 3 hours, I let ay 7am and was out yntil 2pm. First time I've done that in more than a year except for DR. appointments. Just got out there like I hadn't a care in the world & felt kinda "normal" if not for a few hours!

This is a really good post for those of us who are suffering from PTSD, especially those of us who were molested at an early age. I've always blamed myself for not doing anything to stop it, but now I'm spending more time remembering that I was 8 1/2 years old and he was much older and bigger than I was, and had threatened my life. I no longer feel like I was "the bad person"-that is his burden to carry. I had no options at the time, and since it's been 42 years ago, there's no reason to "out" him now-it would only hurt his son, who is a wonderful person. I'm not going to be that vindictive person who tries to get back at others. He'll get his "reward" on judgment day. Thanks for the reminder, Dr. Gary.

Hugs, Lori

Hi Lori,

Thanks for this beautiful note. I hope that it catches a lot of eyes. It sounds like you have done a lot of hard work to gain perspective on what happened to you, to not blame yourself, to move on with your own life. And you are a blessing to this man's son, someone who has no idea what you have done for him. I am sure that you will be blessed for this supreme act of kindness.

I hope your week gets off to a great start, my friend!

Gary